Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dignity is for republicans.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
