last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
wow bdsm is so cute
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
