My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
