We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
