I'm drive I can fine osifer
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
