I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Fuck appropriateness.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
