Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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