The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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