During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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