im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
