he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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