I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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