if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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