do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
