Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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