I must be too annoying 4 u.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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