Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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