I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
A+ Viking dick
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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