I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
