hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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