I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
