Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
