I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
