nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
