If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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