In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
