I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
