??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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