can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
