I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
