worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
