And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
