i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
