Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize