Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
