I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
