Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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