Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
