peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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