Already got asked if we're dating
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
