When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
