That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My vagina just recognized that song.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
