I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My Higher Power is John Stamos
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
3 2 1 whiskey
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Never underestimate the power of titties
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
