So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
