I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
