after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
