I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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