I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
