I think I am morally bankrupt
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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