i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
