Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Quick, to the slutcave!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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